


A Dark Day

by Funsized152



Category: All For The Game - Nora Sakavic
Genre: Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Crying, Fighting, M/M, Trauma, argument
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-11-23
Updated: 2020-11-23
Packaged: 2021-03-10 05:54:58
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,864
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27678380
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Funsized152/pseuds/Funsized152
Summary: Andrew and Neil exchange some heated words. Things are said and Neil does not plan on losing Andrew.
Relationships: Neil Josten/Andrew Minyard
Comments: 2
Kudos: 127





	A Dark Day

**Author's Note:**

> All I have to say is spain without the s.

**Neil**

With Andrew, there are good days and then there are bad days. And Neil tries to be there the best he can for both. But Andrew has been acting weird lately. He’s avoiding Neil’s eye contact and he hasn’t been talking much. 

Neil knows that many people think that Andrew barely ever speaks, but with Neil, it’s different. At least that’s what he thought.

Neil walks into the bedroom he shares with both Kevin and Andrew, only to see Andrew smoking by the window. Neil notices how Andrew’s shoulders tense when he walks in. Even though the last thing Neil wants is to be away from Andrew, he keeps his distance. He doesn’t know what's going on with him but he intends to find out. 

Right before he speaks, Neil can feel the tension in the room grow. “You told me you were going to the roof to smoke.” 

Neil tries to keep the tightness out of his voice, but he was just sitting on the roof for two hours waiting for Andrew. Andrew just shrugs off his comment, with no witty response, just silence.

“Well... I waited for you, I wanted to talk.” Silence. Neil feels the atmosphere of the room change to something hostile.

“ _Well_ , it seemed crowded to me.” Andrew spits out the word like it physically hurt him to say. 

That confused Neil. 

He’s not sure what Andrew is talking about. “Okay?”

At that Andrew puts out his cigarette and moves to leave. Neil feels like he has to ask Andrew what’s going on, millions of dark thoughts cross his mind and he has to know how he can help his boyfriend.

Neil slowly puts his arm out, careful to not touch him. “Drew, Can you just talk to me? You said no more secrets between us.” 

Then Neil can feel some emotion violently snap inside of Andrew. “You don’t get it? Do you?” Andrew raises his voice with each word. 

This shocks Neil momentarily since Andrew’s not one to yell, but it doesn’t scare him. Neil knew that Andrew would never feel foreign to him, but the way he is acting is out of character.

“Get what Drew, I don’t understand just te-” Neil is abruptly cut off by Andrew’s voice.

“I don’t fucking want you near me!” 

There is so much anger in his voice but Neil is not sure who it’s directed at, Neil or himself. Neil tries to move out of Andrew’s space to give him some room. 

“Drew.” Andrew physically flinches at the nickname.

“You are so clueless... Don’t fucking call me that! Don’t fucking come near me! Just go away!” Neil is starting to get angry now, but he backs up thinking that maybe some more space would help. 

He tries to keep his voice calm as he says, “I’ll go away, just tell me why Andrew.” Neil sees something dark pass across Andrew’s face. And Neil braces himself.

“You wanna know why?” He lets out a dry laugh and finally makes eye contact with Neil. “You’re just like the rest of them. You don’t fucking understand what no means.”

Neil feels like his whole world just shattered. He pushed Andrew too far, he doesn’t know when, but he did. How could he be so stupid to miss it?

Neil thinks about last night and how after a week of not talking to him Andrew pushed Neil against the bedroom door and asked “Yes or no?” He was such a fool for missing it, how tense Andrew was when he brought their lips together. 

Neil didn’t even ask Andrew if it was a yes for him, he could tell that it was a no from his body language, but after weeks of Andrew keeping him at an arm’s length Neil let himself get lost in Andrew’s mouth.

Neil knew Andrew better than himself and should have known that Andrew’s mind wasn’t in the kiss.

And when Andrew forcibly pulled himself away from him and said the word “No”. Neil should have known and should have apologized right then. 

But all he did was stand there until Andrew told him to leave.

Neil wanted to be the one person who would never hurt Andrew like that, the one person who wanted nothing from him and he messed up. Right now Neil feels like he’s swallowing cotton. 

“Andrew, I’m sorr-”

“No” At that Neil is silent. 

There’s a ringing in his ears. His eyes are stinging and his head is pounding. Is this how they end? Some small part of Neil always knew he would mess up everything and end up on his own again.

“Andrew.” Neil waits until Andrew faces him to continue. 

Neil was going to make this right, he had to. “I don’t know how to fix this, but I’ll do anything. Just don’t push me away. If you want I’ll never touch you again. Just tell me what to do to make this right and we can work this out. I know we can but don’t do this to us... I need you, Andrew.” 

Neil realizes there are tears in his eyes and tries not to let them fall. Then Andrew says something that Neil knows his heart will never recover from. 

“There is no us. You’re just a runaway trying to be someone you’re not. Stop. I know you’ll just leave in the end... you were never gonna come back for me so don’t fool yourself. Once a rabbit always a rabbit. Isn’t that right _Nathaniel_.”

With the name Neil thought he left behind in Baltimore the tears started to roll down his face. Neil’s heartaches, it’s like Andrew died but he’s still standing in front of him with a cold look on his face.

He can’t look Andrew in the face. Neil knows he messed up, but Andrew’s not evening trying to fix this or talk to him. He’s just pushing him away. Neil angry, at himself and Andrew.

With tears in his voice, Neil tries to convey how sorry he is.“I’ll never forgive myself for hurting you, but I hope somehow you can. If you wanted to end this you should have just told me”

“There was never a “this” to begin with.” And although Neil had heard him say that a million times, for some reason this time Neil’s shattered heart believes it.

With that Neil turns out of the bedroom and leaves. He lets out a laugh that sounds like a sob.

Andrew was right. All he knows how to do is run. 

When he makes it out of the dorm he runs into Matt. “Neil? Are you okay what’s wrong? Did something happen?” It was all getting too much for Neil. 

“It’s nothing, I’m fine” The tears won’t stop falling, it was making him mad.

“Dude you’re not fine. Just let me-”

“Just fucking drop it.” His legs just start walking. And thankfully Matt doesn't follow him. 

All Neil can think about is Andrew’s words.

"You’re just like the rest of them"  
"You were never gonna come back for me"  
"Nathaniel"

Neil blinks the tears out of his eyes and looks up. He’s on the roof. 

He sits down and feels almost hollow. He had thought he would be able to spend the rest of his life with Andrew. That somehow Neil had stumbled into this alternative reality where they would get the chance to grow old together. He thought that they would have a life together.

Neil’s not sure what he can do but he’s not gonna let Andrew go like this. They both deserve better. They deserve a chance at happiness.

Once, Neil has semi calmed himself down, he tries to piece himself back together. He feels heavy like he’s walking through quicksand. 

Neil puts on the same mask he wore when he watched his mother’s body burn, but this time he’s not going to let the life he could have had with Andrew burn. He told Andrew he was done running and he is. Neil is going to fight tooth and nail for Andrew and himself.

Neil picks himself up and walks back downstairs to his dorm room. He opens the door to find Andrew sitting in the living room staring at the wall. He moves his blank stare over to Neil.

Neil walks towards him. And Andrew goes to speak, but Neil cuts him off by raising his hand.

“No, now it’s my turn to talk now.” Andrew gives him a deadly stare. “Go away, I-”

“No, you got to say what was on your mind, now it’s my turn, that's how a conversation works. So shut up and listen.” Andrew does not respond, but he doesn’t look away so Neil continues.

“I don’t know what I’m doing... I never do but I will not be giving up on what we have and neither are you.” He looks into Andrew’s eyes and the next words just spill out of Neil’s mouth.

“It’s supposed to be me and you against the world. So we are both going to stop with this bullshit and talk to each other. And what you said to me Andrew was some of the worst things you could possibly say to me. But guess what… I fucking love you, Andrew. I have never said those words to anyone. Not to myself, not to my mother, and not to my fucking father. But I love you, Andrew. So much that it hurts. And I’m going to fight for you and I don’t care how far you push me, I’m not going anywhere” Neil’s eyes never leave Andrew while he says these words, and when he’s done he’s out of breath. 

Neil feels raw and exposed, but there is no one else he could pour his soul out to, but Andrew. It’s silent for a moment.

Then without breaking eye contact, Andrew stands up and walks toward Neil.

“I didn’t mean it” Andrew’s voice is shaky. Neil lets out a sob, he feels his body tremble. 

“I know Drew.” Andrew reaches out to touch Neil and after he nods permission Andrew slips his hand on the back of Neil’s neck. 

And slowly it feels like things are shifting back into place. 

And what Andrew says next comes as no surprise to Neil. “I love you, Neil. And that scares me. If you left me I would never be able to recover. I thought that if I got it over with I could save you the pain and hassle of dealing with me... I need you too.” 

“I know Drew, I know.” Neil has always known this and feels the same. But he’s too selfish to let Andrew go.

“Yes or no?” Andrew’s familiar words almost seem to set everything back into place. “Yes, it’s always yes with you. Is it a yes for you?”

“Yes Abram”

Then Andrew pulls Neil in for a hug, wrapping his arms around the taller man’s body, and whispers “Yes...Wasit up” into his ears.

Neil knows that there are still things they need to talk about, but right now he’s going to stay in Andrew’s arms for as long as he’ll let him.


End file.
